Blake Lively is Low-Rent, Say Chanel Employees; Robert Pattinson Delivers Baby with His Teeth

Blake Lively and Karl Lagerfeld

Even though Karl Lagerfeld loves the Gossip Girl actress, Chanel's US employees have been mumbling that Blake Lively's look is "off-brand" and are less than pleased that the teen soap star was chosen to represent the Mademoiselle handbag line. Known for singing Lively's praises (he referred to the actress as an "American dream girl") Lagerfeld personally photographed her campaign, and a source claims that Chanel "would literally fire anyone who" openly criticized the Kaiser's choice of spokesmodel. Blake's look is certainly polarizing, but even though she doesn't have the full, soft features that reign supreme in the luxury sphere, she's not exactly a canned California girl. Blake's brand of elegance might not resemble the moody, off-beat beauty of the brand's past faces like Keira Knightley or Georgia May Jagger, but her easygoing brilliance is truly American: passionate and unpretentious. [AmyGrindhouse]

While Blake Lively's likeness is causing some controversy around questions of sensibility at Chanel, Robert Pattinson revealed that he'd experienced his own bout of confusion concerning where he fit in to the cultural orbit. Apparently, when the Twilight actor signed on for the lead male role in the mega-successful vampire franchise, he'd assumed that he'd be starring in a quirky indie flick: "It seemed really interesting: a teen vampire movie that was going to be like Thirteen and really serious. I had no idea it was going to be this big thing and you’d get on Burger King hats.” [Earsucker] No word yet regarding how Burger King will market what will surely be Pattinson's Oscar-making scene in the upcoming Twilight installment, Breaking Dawn, where the actor will chew his vampire-human hybrid spawn out of Kristen Stewart's womb. [HollywoodDame]

But if Robert Pattinson wants a stunt double to take over the scene, I've got a great candidate: Lady Gaga. The goddess of campy gore would do a standout job of delivering a lovechild with her teeth, and as if you need further evidence, let's talk about her 25th birthday celebration. Last night, our darling Gaga celebrated her quarter-life on stage by wolfing down a bloody cake. Don't think she wouldn't kill to chomp through some placenta on film. Oh yea, happy birthday Gaga! [Starcasm]

If all this talk of bloodstained half-vampire infants and scary birthday cake has you craving an extra boost of carnage for your life and if you haven't gotten sick of dealing with Black Swan, you might as well give up and start dressing like a demonic ballerina. No shame in that. Especially if it means getting to wear a Vera Wang One-Shoulder Bustier Tulle Dress and Miu Miu Ballet Flats. [DailyStab

Speaking of having no shame, that's the subject of Perez Hilton's upcoming children's book, The Boy With the Pink Hair. Now, Perez is probably more than just a petty, vulgar nuisance (I'm sure he's probably a loyal friend and a witty dinner guest), but there are better minds and more compassionate hearts writing children's books, so like, don't ruin your children's lives by allowing their development to be shaped by a guy that got famous because he could draw a penis on a photograph in Microsoft Paint, okay? [AnythingHollywood]

If you were excited to hear that Enrique Iglesias was going on tour with Britney Spears, you'll be disappointed to hear that Enrique bailed and Britney will be doing the millennial memory trip alone. Enrique backed out when he realized that he'd be opening for the Mickey Mouse Club breakout star. He'd apparently been under the impression that the two performers would receive equal billing. Can't blame the guy for backing out: who'd want to admit that they're a bigger has-been than Britney? [CelebDirtyLaundry]

Helen Mirren was honored with a foot and handprint ceremony at the Chinese theater, and she brought Arthur co-star Russell Brand along as her date. He gave a her a big ole kiss on the cheek as congratulations but has yet to release a statement regarding the red velvety-softness of her skin. [INeedMyFix]