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OF COURSE Angelina Jolie Should Direct ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

According to some very dubious gossip, Universal Studios, which acquired the movie rights to the smash hit BDSM-spiked romance novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, is hoping to pursuade tabloid ice queen Angelina Jolie to direct the film. Conventional wisdom says this is a never-going-to-happen rumor, which would be too sad.

Pretty much everything Jolie has ever done makes her a great fit for Fifty. The actress is obsessed with collecting, conceiving, and raising children, making her the world's most visible mega-mom. As you probably already know, the erotic novel under discussion found its massive fanbase in the mom community.

But! Long before Jolie pitched herself as the untouchable mother of many and wife of one, her public image hung on blood and sex and guts. She was as much of a badass, gothy babe as mainstream Hollywood would allow: need I even mention her infamous vial of Billy Bob Thornton's blood? The BDSM in Fifty Shades may have caused a kind of media frenzy but the sex scenes are, on their own, ultimately soft and inoffensive, at least compared to the bulk of porn — or even a "classic" erotic bondage novel like The Story of O. Time and time again, Jolie's demonstrated that she knows her way around watered-down alternative lifestyle choices.

Bonus: it would give reporters so many opportunities to ask questions about Brangelina's sex life, which might be the only thing capable of disrupting the gravitational pull of the Jennifer Aniston black hole we've been stuck inside for the past decade.

Image via Ian Wilson/

[via Earsucker]